The Life of Squirrels

You've seen a squirrel at some point in your life, of course you have. Whether it be a hulking grey squirrel, a vindictive black squirrel, a voracious red squirrel or even a sentinal ground squirrel. You've proably seen one of each come to think of it, but which insane beast implanted itself most in your secluded mind? The red squirrel naturally.
It's not like you can avoid the little buggers. You go for a hike and there's a new one every forty feet yelling at you. Nervy little shits, like you're really bothering them when they're way the hell up a tree. Most people just write them off as nuisances and you usually do too until one day you pause to take a closer look.
Whlie not the most fascinating of creatures, red squirrels can still be interesting at least, and highly entertaining at most. You gradually become emmersed in their lives and soon find yourself a witness to their nascar races, royal rubles, air shows and evening serenades. It almost seems like they have some warped desire to be a bird, attempting to fly from tree to tree, chirping away trying to sing a song. They almost sound like a broken kazoo to you.
You've even realised that, the attention mongerers they are, you can ply them with treats. After a series of trials you discover, not that they need it or anything, but red squirrels have enormous sweet teeth. Like any rodent they're always growing. They aren't terribly picky about what form of sugar you give them although they do seem to be more partial to sugar cubes and chocolate chips. Of course, any form of sugar buzz only makes them more brazen. Soon the branches are lurching in the nonexistant wind, binding and creaking with the weight of crazed squirrels leaping from one bough to another. What could they do to top this? Wait until harvest time!
Maybe you've noticed mushrooms sitting up on the trees, not all that odd, many trees grow some form of fungus or other after all. However upon closer look you see that these lil'shroom's stems are pointing sky high. Fungi are weird and all, but they don't tend to grow stem up so how did these ground dwelling moulds get up on those branches? Squirrels of course. They may not seem like the smartest of critters but even they know that a dried mushroom lasts longer than the wet ones. You think this may be the extent of a red squirrels eccentrities, after all, how many quirks can a featherweight rodent have? Still, you've yet to have their full force drilled into your head.
On one walk you're unfortunate enough to pass under a squirrels launch pad. Some time back they decided that to climb up and down a seventy foot tree carrying a pine cone each time would simply take too long. Remedy number one: Toss down the pine cones and collect them on the ground. Squirrels, like any teenage boy who's just watched Saving Private Ryan or any other war movie, feel the need to add sound effects to any of their actions and dropping pine cones are no exceptions. They just about have the bombing whistle down to an art. Frantically scrambling to and fro grabbing as many cones in their mouth and flinging them out into the air as quickly as possibly, all enhanced by rapid warning chirps to look out below. Alas, these chirps don't always help since the tree's themselves jump in for a little bit of sport. Batting pine cones out of the air, redirecting them towards your head. You fear the squirrels have tag teamed with Old Man Spruce and now form a deadly duet with one goal, a migraine for you. It must be quite entertaining actually, to perch atop a giant tree and pelt unsuspecting usurpers of your territory with frost laden seed capsules.
After all your spectating of the red squirrels and their trivial quarrels, quirky harvesting methods and agitated vocalizations you decide it's better off to just let rodents alone. There must be a reason people go nuts or are called squirrely, perhaps this could be why....